Monday 22nd September 2014
SO yesterday I lay in an MRI scanner,wondering if that 45minutes that I spent listening to every possible combination of sound effects you can imagine was going to be as momentous and life changing as I knew it could be.
I wondered if I would look back on that experience as a distant memory of a lucky escape from what might have been,or if it would become etched on my psyche as a “pivotal moment”, an axis upon which my entire universe tilted out of kilter. Even as I lay down to sleep that night, the reality of the possibilities that lay before me really did not sink in, even though my rational thoughts were warning me that I should be nervous and scared.
So when the doctor came back with my MRI results, two nurses and a closed curtain, I was both shocked and not at all shocked all at the same time. All at once the fears I had been harbouring in a very distant and removed space in my head for months, or perhaps even a few years, became a reality. And the biggest failing of moments like this is that they don’t come with instructions. No one was there with a protocol, or a to do list, and I had no idea how to be.
And the universe tilted.