I have a new boss. In my working life, at least, I am officially replaced. I would be selling myself short to say that I am no longer purposeful – I am still a mother, wife, friend, teacher…I guess now is the time I can begin to put more effort into those roles. I can fulfil less roles more intensely, more fully. No more spreading myself thinly. More choice – more freedom, but with that comes more of a need to motivate myself intrinsically, rather than relying on external pressures, deadlines and obligations.
This was what I wanted though, right? I now have
fewer no excuses to put off those things that I have identified as important to me. My challenge then is to remain true to those goals, and true to my commitment to ensure they are reviewed regularly. My time needs to be meaningful, not wasteful. That is not to say it can’t be relaxed, relaxing, even restful, but that is not the same as allowing it to be wasted.
Today will be a hard day – day 1 of someone stepping into my shoes. (Feet puns – they are everywhere! Note to self – start collecting them and rewriting them to suit me. Feet often equate to power – need to look into that…)
So I find myself torn between relief and frustration; between wanting to support this new chapter and resenting the forced ending of my own chapter. Yet I know that I wanted this, I know the new “me” will do a great job, and I also know, when thinking rationally, that I am not simply being replaced. I have not left a void that will simply be filled like for like. I will still have a role. People will still come to me for advice and support.
I still count.
I can now do the parts of this job that I love the most – the teaching, the caring, the mentoring and guiding of both staff and students – “the small things, with great love.” Intentionally and meaningfully, instead of hurriedly and begrudgingly.
I still choose to count.